Deep Thoughts: Beauty and Terror

Like many of you I have been doing a lot of reading following the deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. I could say I have been struggling to understand, but as someone that has experienced depression and is familiar with mental health issues I sadly find it not to much of a reach. 

Life is hard. It's a struggle and it can be scary and difficult at times. When I have been in the midst of depression it's like a big cloud descends and I feel nothing. No joy, no light. Just grey. And once that hits it's hard to reach out. You know what you should do, but you just don't have the energy or frankly the will to do those things. 

I can't even tell you what prompts me to tend to myself in these moments. I do know that having touched the depths, I feel like I can appreciate the highs a bit more. Much like the ease of water when you are thirsty. I wouldn't wish depression on anyone, but I understand it makes me who I am.

I think I appreciate most the posts that encourage us to pay attention to others. Not just the ones that appear to be in pain, but to all we hold dear. I was first diagnosed by a therapist that suggested that I laughed far too much in a way that seemed false. He was right. It was a front that I has found easy to put up. 

I don't have much to add to the conversation. Just that I will be watching my friends and hugging more freely, and hope you will too. I found the following quote in one of the many discussions and thought it was fitting. 

Let everything happen to you. Beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final. 

-Rainer Maria Rilke